So a week ago I went in for my every-so-often physical and to investigate why I've been extra winded for the past week whenever even slightly exerting. Did some testing, went to the ER and did some more testing, then checked-in overnight to start medication for the large blood clots on my lungs. Pulmonary embolism that's called and since it didn't instantly kill me, I'm guessing it's going to make me stronger.

Yes, yes, it's all too bad, and I'm so young and healthy. I know. Sounds like I'm going to be fine in the long run, perhaps even better than fine - I wonder if I've had this to some degree for a while, perhaps years? There's gotta be some reason I'm always gasping when we ride, other than hard pedaling then and laziness before, right? (I think that's a joke) Well, whatever.

Examining my thoughts as I always do I realized a couple things. I felt very calm about the prospect of dying (I don't know that I was, but it sounded like one of the options on the table - the ER doc looked me in the eye and said that her friend had just died of it). There was a sad shadow for my kids and their lives, but for myself, it was acceptance and calm. It's what you do after living I guess. The other thought was that It didn't seem to have taken very long to get to here, at least from the point-of-view of this moment. It's always a continuum, so there isn't really an end-point to see the perspective from, but in that pause I could see it, and it seemed to have been pretty short. I remembered a lot of things I'd done, but they all seemed to blend together into last week and last year. And it was "now" and it was done.

So, that being said, I feel pretty good, possibly better than I have in a while. The only downside is that alcohol is also a blood thinner and I could really go for a beer or six.